What is happening in the world?

It saddens me to hear with what’s happening in the world.

Two days ago, Beirut suffered two suicide bomb attacks that left 43 killed and 239 in critical condition. It is being considered the deadliest in the capital since the end of Lebanon’s war in 1990. This incident was not covered in the press as much as the attacks on Paris. 

A bomb went off in Bagdhad and I have yet to see people’s status’ or facebook profile pictures show any support for this because not a single person whose whiteness caused the media to roar in rage. 

Korea had a peaceful protest turn into a deadly and vicious one where even their own people who are there to protect them, started to spray water with capsaicin. Even people who were not protesting, were beaten and taken to hospital. 

In the USA, two colleges were attacked by the KKK and anti-black people who threatened to shoot up any black person they saw walk on campus. They ran around shooting pellet guns and terrifying black students by yelling, “Kill all n*ggers” and yet, I have not seen the media speak on this situation either. 

In Kenya, 147 people are dead after an assault in Garissa University by al-Shabab militants. Two security guards were shot dead, shootings started on campus and then was followed by students being shot on the spot in their university classrooms. Reports say that the militants killed anyone who could not recite verses from the Koran. Where was the compassion from the media and everyone when this was happening? Do people only seem to care when white people are being murdered? POC MATTER TOO.

Yesterday, Paris was attacked by seven terror attacks by ISIS. Around 129 people have been killed and 352 are injured. People were attending a rock concert where suicide bombings had gone off and many people were in critical condition. It has come apparent that some of the attackers have actually been living in the area since 2012. A mix of suicide bombs, hostages, and even mass shootings clogged the medias attention. 

Between the first incident and this one; Paris has received the most attention from people and the media. Where is the media when over thousands of Syrian refugees are being killed every single day from terrorism? Where was the media and uproar of an audience when Mizzou College was under attack by the KKK/Anti-Black protesters? I am not here to say that we should pit incidents like these one another. Absolutely not. But I am disgusted to say I live in a world like this. Where is the peace and humanity for one another? I am sick of hearing of all the violence. I am tired.

#Prayfortheworld

Update: Mental Health

It’s been a little bit over a month that I’ve bene on here. The last time I wrote anything, I had my doctor put me on medication for my Depression and Anxiety Disorder. I tried to do updates on my experiences with Cipralex (Apo-Escitalopram) but lost the motivation to even go on here.

The last month or so has been something else for me. When I first started my medication, I thought it was supposed to be for the better. I felt like I was making an actual change in my life but really, I felt everything going downhill.

My medication started okay. I hadn’t felt much of a change in my mood or anything for that matter. Two-three weeks past and I started feel very irritable. I had random bursts of anger and sadness but for some reason…I just couldn’t cry. My brain had gone numb. I wanted to but my body wouldn’t allow me to. I felt like I had lost the ability to feel sad.

When I would feel anxious, my hands would shake and I’d appear very agitated. I started to lose weight but then I would gain it back in an instant. I would frequently wake up in the middle of the night crying with paranoia that the relationship with my boyfriend would fall apart any second or that parents would split and I would be left with nobody but myself. Oftentimes I’d have terrible nightmares. Nightmares where I’d be hurting myself or others around me.

Now, I haven’t had a self-harm relapse in a long while but, it was always somehow in the back of my mind to do so. It sucked. I felt like the life was taken out of me. I felt like it was time to see my doctor and talk about my “progress.”

November 12, 2015 I went to see my family doctor. I told her what has been going on. I had a lack of sexual interest, self harm thoughts, nightmares, etc. She recommended that I should switch over to another medication called Zoloft. She said, “1 pill per day for 7 days and then after the week was done, 2 pills per day for 45 days.” Now, I’m not so keen on changes. It takes a while for me to get used to. 

It is now November 13, 2015 and I haven’t started my new meds. I will be doing so tonight. It’s been a full day without any medication and my body has me severely tired. I haven’t left my bed unless it was for food or to use the washroom. I’ve been sleeping all day but I thought it would be finally appropriate to keep this updated. I’m not dead so there’s that.

I had a relapse last night with self-harm though. My boyfriend was super tired last night and couldn’t tuck me into bed he had mentioned. It made me feel alone and like I wasn’t important enough. I started crying in the car as he drove me home last night but of course, my crying changed his mind. We have a deal that every night he must tuck me in. It makes me feel safe and loved. We got home and I went to the bathroom. I’m not sure what may have triggered it but I cut myself. It wasn’t my fault and it definitely wasn’t his. I have to work on that.

I’m hoping that this new medication helps me. I’m going to try to keep this blog updated to the best of my abilities.